Unhappy Anniversary

Today marks an anniversary of sorts. It's not something to celebrate in the slightest but something significant in which to pause and reflect on as it's had a huge impact on my life. Today is the one year anniversary of my mother-in-law's (MIL) catastrophic stroke.

It's hard to sum up what it's meant for myself, my marriage and especially my MIL. It is still too raw and unstable and at the same time static and predictable. We're solely responsible for the welfare of another person and feel totally inadequate to do so. We've made in-roads in the day-to-day care of my MIL and yet are dealing with other issues far beyond our knowledge or experience or financial means...health insurance/medicare/medical, major house repairs, ect. We've had to stand in the gap of my MIL's life and in many respects put our individual and marital life on the back burner. To say it's been hard is an understatement. We speak of the future and collapse under the weight of both the possibilities and the restraints only to realize we can still only exist in the day to day...still...for now.

My MIL is happy to be in her own home and cared for by her son and daughter-in-law and the wonderful caregivers we've met along the way. She still can't talk, eat or use the right side of her body. Chances are she never will especially as we mark one year since her stroke. She can smile and smile she does and I can't remember seeing my MIL smile as much before the stroke. She can laugh and she does as her and her son play and tease each other in their own little way. Her and I still find a way to gang up on my husband and tease him endlessly just as we did prior to the stroke. She still watches Food Network all day long eventhough only mashed potatoes and a piece of cake appeal to her and only a few bites at best. She's still a stubborn Irish woman refusing nutrition, baths and exercises -- the only one on earth that gets the pleasant version about 99% of the time is me, her daughter-in-law. Her and I have an agreement she can be mean to everyone else except me. It's working out for both of us so far. :)

I love my job as a therapist to at-risk adolescents. I never in a million and a half years expected to enjoy it and in many respects it's another area in which I feel sooooo unprepared. Yet I feel challenged and I'm motivated to become a better therapist. The staff at my school site as well as the staff at my agency have been supportive and helpful. I'm quickly becoming a master at Department of Mental Health paperwork. I never wanted to become a master at it but I'm all the better for it.

My husband and I are hanging in there. Hanging in there is really good for what we've been through. We've been married 1 year and 3 1/2 months. Again, his mom had the stroke one year ago. Oftentimes it feels the majority of our marriage has been defined by this event and it really it has been. We work hard to keep the "us" intact in the midst of this very not about "us" situation. We know we are all the better for it but it's hard for such a young marriage to endure such a trying time. Yet we are hanging in there. We are deeply indebted to our couples therapist. Seriously.

My husband is taking care of his mom in a full-time capacity during the week. He's pretty amazing to do such a thing to give his mom a dignified and comfortable life. He's on a leave from his full-time job and probably won't be returning. He's still pursuing his magic career and we're hoping it'll continue to pick up as he spends his down time during the day doing that.

My mom and my sister are doing well. I don't see them hardly at all as compared to the past. I miss them terribly and especially regret not being a part of my nieces lives. I will enjoy a week long vacation in Ohio in a couple of weeks. I'm already anticipating the flood of tears as I'll have to leave them after such a short week. That's how much I miss my family. It's pathetic.

I still have the greatest of friends--old and new. Those who listen to me bitch and moan about my difficult life and empathize and assist me in drawing conclusions and new revelations.

All in all, I know I have a lot to be thankful for in spite of my frustration for the things that have been incredibly difficult. I have a job, a roof over my head, food and a husband who adores me, friends and an amazing family. I still have a lot more than many others. A lot more.