I'll take tired anyday...

Although the week hasn't ended yet for me because I have two clients tomorrow, I am so glad that I have the rest of the evening to relax. I am soooo tired but I'll take tired anyday. You see, this is the first week I've felt physically and emotionally good in a long time. From pre-wedding craziness to last of day of honeymoon kidney stone drama, this week I feel myself again. I am so glad. I have energy, creativity, space to reflect, motivation and the good 'ole ambition. I still have along to do list which includes wedding thank you's, homework and the like but I see the light at the end of the tunnel. The timing couldn't be more perfect because I've got significant transitions coming up that I need to be present for. Not only future transitions but the huge transition I took only two months ago of getting married. That being the first area of that being checked in would benefit!

Next Monday morning I register for classes for the last time in my graduate career at Fuller. While I am glad to not be spending thousands of dollars on my education...strike that... borrowing thousands of dollars for my education...it makes me a little sad that my experience as a graduate student at Fuller is over in a mere 16 weeks. Fuller has been so many things to me over the past 3 1/2 years and probably most significantly it has been a place of healing and a place where I've been able to discover myself again. It's the place that gave me the opportunity to discover that being a therapist was exactly what I wanted and what I needed to continue to grow me as a person. I've met friend who are future colleagues and more importantly community that I will always cherish. It was also the era of time in which I met my husband. Fuller, the education and the community really saved me in a time I knew I was on the right path but everything within felt like I was lost. It's important in the next four months that I process all that this era coming to an end means to me.

Funny card but kinda true...

I received a "Get Well" card from my mother-in-law this week that made me laugh out loud...a couple of times! This card also summarizing the funny things about marriage that I have come to accept. That is why it was doubly funny that my mother-in-law got me the card. Thanks, Jane!

OUTSIDE: "As you're recovering, just relax -- Put your feet up... Have people bring you things... You know...."
INSIDE: "Pretend you're a man."

I told James I was going to insert his name where it said "man". This is his dream life and I try to not indulge it because I've been warned by many people to be careful to not set a precedent. :)

Day 7

Today is day 7 of convalescing.

I stayed home from the Sunday ritual of church, breakfast and errands with James' mom. I had pain during the night like I have had all this week but the kicker was the all too familiar pain in my left lower back that started the whole saga. I am so over it. So, at 5:40am in the morning, I popped a Vicodin, got my pillows all propped up on the couch and my favorite blanket. I then tried to sleep a little in the position my body favors the most these days....the 90 degree and on my back. Then I slept a little. Two hours later James left to spend some time with his mom and I went to the usual (yes, it is usual now) routine of watching TV, drinking water and napping...hoping against hope that pain goes away and this pain results in a successful passing of a kidney stone or two.

Another thing to report! I am also day 7 caffeine free! I had to fast before the surgery on Monday and didn't really thinking caffeine was the greatest on a recently shockwaved kidney. After day 3 or 4, I just decided to give up the habit. You see, I secretly have been feeling like I've wanted to give up coffee. I'll repeat... I have been feeling like I want to give up coffee for a few weeks now. I've been afraid to admit it actually. There was even one time I thought of vocalizing my thoughts to James but didn't in fear of actually feeling differently about it after I said it or being kept accountable. See, this is how bad my caffeine/coffee addiction has been. So, I thought I'd report here that I am done with my daily morning cup of coffee. I will also pass on the Diet Coke or Coke Zero. I've wanted to give it up for awhile and now I have. The end of an era.

Lastly, this is an up to the minute report of TV shows/movies I've watched:

Beverly Hills 90210: The First Season
The Forsyte Saga: Series 1
V for Vendetta
Mr. Woodcock
The Jane Austen Book Club
The Heartbreak Kid

I've also started reading The Kite Runner. Fabulous book.

BIG day

I felt terrible when I got up today but I made it to "the office" and saw a client at 9am. I wrote two progress notes keeping me up to date. Then I came home and fixed James and I breakfast and cleaned up around the house a bit. This is the most I've done in 5 days. That today may remain the most I've done in 5 days because after that I was in pain and confined to the couch again.

So, now I am continuing to make my way through The Forsyte Saga. It's an English period piece and I love English period pieces. Two of the main characters are named Jolyon (Jolyon Sr. and Jolyon Jr.) and that is my uncle's name (who too was born in England). I have "control" of the TV because James is gone this afternoon and early evening doing three gigs. Three gigs!

I think too I might take a nap too. It's a big day!

frustrated with feeling yucky

Today I am really done with convalescing. I slept late and then got up with a spring in my step to only have my body revolt as I got some cereal and sat down to check my email. There is something still not quite right with my body. As long as I am sitting and resting, I feel fine but the moment I start getting up and getting something done (not even strenous!), I start to feel yucky again. I guess this is my body telling me something but I am tired of my body feeling yucky.

Now I am sitting here deciding what to do with the day. What to do and what not to do but really I guess I need to spend another day resting.

Here I come Beverly Hills 90210 and all the Netflix movies I am getting today.

I am really ready to get back to life but it seems that the only path to that is resting. Argh!

Convalescing, Day 3

So, today is my third day of convalescing. I've lost track of how many movies I've watched but now I've reached an all time low (or high depending how you look at it) that I am now making my way through the first season of . I LOVED this show when I was a young gun but have felt rather unsophisticated about one, owning it and two, watching it. After watching soo many movies, I felt a change of pace was in order and this popped into my mind. I am now on my third episode and might I say that I am enjoying it. I mean I am not enthralled as I am also typing this post but it's a fun trip back on memory lane. I'm sure the Vicodin has nothing to do with it. I just need to say that it was a bad era of clothing.

I am proud of myself that I've really tried to take care of myself in the aftermath of this surgery. For the most part, I really haven't felt like it. Today I could have pushed it and I am glad that I didn't because my one little adventure out today to the agency and then to the school bookstore to get lunch and back took it out of me. I realize that I can be pain free as long as I don't move. Today is the day it is hard not to want to move. Relaxing and resting today is more of a discipline for me than a long sought out opportunity. I mean I felt GUILTY for not going to class and for canceling on clients. Enough of my issues...

I am hoping I can get back to it tomorrow on a limited basis. Otherwise, I'll be looking to finish season one of this amazing show.

the holguin's

Check out our blog at: http://jzholguin.blogspot.com/

For now, I'll keep my blog separate from our blog as a family. My blog will be about me and my reflections while the Holguin's blog will be about us as a family and our adventures together.

here's lilla

Our niece, Lilla Nathalie, is four months old! Isn't she a doll?

marriage, part 1

So, at the urging of my friend Michelle, I am going to attempt a post on being newly married.

The funny. The surprising. The I didn't expect this stuff.

I am sure that this post won't be the witty and funny. As I am writing this, I am recovering from a surgical procedure I had yesterday. I am groggy from the Vicodin. I haven't showered today and my hair is in a ratty mess and frankly, I could care less. This all started on the last day of our honeymoon when I ended up in the ER in Kauai with pain in my left side that I had never felt before. By the end of that ER visit, I had a rather larger kidney stone that had caused an infection. We then flew home with me in a drug induced walking coma. Then we reported to the ER in Pasadena per the doctor's order in Kauai only to be told after 5 1/2 hours that there was nothing they could do and I had to go see my PCP. So, after going to my PCP and waiting for an authorization for a urologist. Then going for a urologist then waiting for another authorization. I had surgery yesterday. I left out many horrid insurance details inbetween. Start date: December 28, 2007, Surgery date: February 4, 2007

That has little to do with marriage and everything to do with it at the same time. This is how our marriage began. James has officially won the husband of the year and has gotten a taste of the vow, In sickness and in health. He has waited with me, driven me places, held my hand and made me laugh when I just wanted to cry. He also hugged me when I did cry.

Last night James vacated the bedroom so that I could sprawl out on the bed and get some sleep and hopefully not feel as much pain as I was the only one who would be moving the bed. At 3:30am, I came into the living room to wake him up and ask him to come to our bed. I flipping couldn't sleep very well with out him. This is for sure an unexpected thing that marriage has brought about. I rely on him for a lot of comfort and security. This is me the independent, been single for awhile girl. As I woke up from surgery yesterday, all I wanted to see was James. Then I got to thinking what if James weren't here sometime in the future and I become a blubbering idiot. This too has been surprising since I've been married. I cry and cry and cry. I am so much more flipping emotional since being in relationship. This man has undone a tough girl.

So, this is marriage for me. I can't wait until he gets home. He brings me joy, comfort and security beyond belief. This independent, strong woman has become a bit softer and a bit more needy than before and that has been a tough but okay realization by me.

This is marriage, part 1. I am sure I'll have many more posts about the funny stuff when I get off flipping Vicodin and feel a bit more me.