Capacity issues...

I have capacity issues. I have no capacity and I finally think that I am okay with that. I no longer want to try harder or push through it. I have no capacity. I am leaving it up to a power greater than me and I'm hoping that power comes through because I am at the end of me.

So, I spend any alone time I have reading blogs, watching TV and playing games on www.pogo.com. Ok, I do a few other things like chores around the house and some homework but really I just feel like vegetating. The rub is that I am a type-A, doer personality with a host of issues that keep me going, going and going and taking on way too much. I feel guilty taking time to myself. I feel guilty for all the things I'm not doing and the crazy thought that all those things might just eliminate the stress in my life. I feel guilty for not being prepared in all ways for the next phase of my life or more so being okay with the fact that I've changed my mind on what I can do and be at this time in my life. Basically, I'm crazy... but then again, I am a therapist and we know all therapists are crazy.

So, I am coming to accept this part of myself. I am coming to terms with this part of myself. I'm just going to try and be where I am at and be honest with my limitations, my regrets and my feelings.