a moment of clarity

I don't think about my life a lot and it's really not that unintentional. It's more about survival. Tonight was one of those nights that I have the rare opportunity to see my life the way it is and the surprising part is that I chuckled. I didn't feel sad or hopeless that we take care of my MIL and how limiting it is, difficult and the future way unknown. I didn't feel stressed or overwhelmed by the responsibility of my job. I just laughed. My life really is bizarre. Funny bizarre.

Although I can't say much about my job as a therapist. Confidentiality and all that. I can say that I work with at-risk youth, emphasis on the RISK. It's the total opposite population in which I ever intended to work with but as things work out, I LOVE IT. It's demanding, challenging and often heart breaking. It's rewarding too. It's a bunch of things and often I leave the day thinking about sessions wondering how I heard all that and I'm still standing. Enough said.

Then, I often help my husband take care of his mom. My mother-in-law (MIL) or as I like to call her, "Ms. Magoo", "Trouble", "Silly" or "Mommasita Bonita". It just depends on my mood...and hers. Anyway, for those who need a refresher on the condition of the MIL, she's what we call in the caregiving world, TOTAL CARE. She can't really do much for herself although 50% of the time I can convince her to help me in some capacity. The quick and dirty is that we change her diapers and provide medication through a tube she has in her stomach... among other things...well everything for her comfort and survival. Again, total care. She can use one side of her body but the other is still paralyzed hence she can't walk and, oh, she still can't talk.

The moment came tonight when I finished up a progress note. I'm thinking about a case and what's going on....blah, blah, blah...tough, difficult, worry, etc. and then I get up to go change my MIL's diaper, give her medication and put her bed for the night...like without skipping a beat. As I was proceeding to begin to convince my MIL to help me by removing her blankets and beginning to undo the side of the diaper in which she can access with her own hand, I had this moment of clarity in which I realize how bizarre a day in my life really is. By day therapist to at-risk youth trying to assist them (convince, beg, plead!) in making different choices and by night changing my MIL diapers, I mean who freaking lives a life likes this! This is when I chuckled. I mean, seriously, my life is rando!

Then again, I am married to a magician. My name is unsual and I still have never had the chickenpox. It looks like I may have been destined for the rando and bizarre.