brief update

my blog concious didn't even have to remind me of my need to post. i am posting on my own free will. my blog concious will be very happy to hear of such growth in the blog-o-sphere.

this is the end of week 8 of my 10 week quarter. i have to make a push to get to the end with many a final (three to be exact that loom out there larger than life) and a huge paper (freud and his influence on the american church!). every quarter it seems like something short of a miracle to get it done. this too will be the same experience. but it will take a miracle rather large in size and really no life for the next three weekends. what's three weekends really. such a short amount of time.

i registered for classes for next quarter. i paid alot of money and when thinking about the loans that covered 3/4 of my tuition i realize i will be paying that much more for the classes for next quarter. it's a good thing i am excited beyond belief. psychopathology. psychopharmacology. marital therapy. clinical foundations. i've already bought the books. i am a nerd. but that's me. i'm always in the future. current moments usually escape me. i am sure in my psychopathology class i'll understand that about myself. i am sure in my psychopharmacology class i might discover a medication that will help. i am sure in my marital therapy class i'll realize how that might not be good for a marriage relationship. in clinical foundations, i can't use it as a "fake" role play because i would really be looking for answers from a fellow student who knows no more than i do which is really not a lot. anyway, my very own copy of the DSM is on its way to me. i think i will have to have someone hold it for me until i need it so i don't diagnose myself to insanity.

i've been reading (skimming really) this book called "on being a therapist". it basically is trying to scare the shit out of you and deter you from being a therapist. it's a refreshing book in the sense that it lays it out on the line. but really i can't read it word for word at least not right now. it's not stuff i don't already know about being in the helping profession. i learned a lot of those lessons in the school of hard knocks. the question, why am i signing up for that again? who knows. i think my optimism, idealism and hopefulness really should go away so that i can come to terms with the 10% of therapy that might see someone change. oh maybe my optimism is turning to pessimism as we speak. i shared with the class that if i didn't think i was expressly disobeying the will of God that i may reconsider. granted i don't hold much water for God having a specific will for anyone but this therapy road i know i have to go down... even if in the end i really do burn out in five years... and still have the remaining 5 or 15 to pay off the student loans. i have decided to scratch the itch. no regrets.

this is no longer a brief update. i think it's turned into self-therapy.

my mom bought a house in ohio this past week. she'll move after the holidays. beautiful house, almost two acres of land and really i think it cost $2. i'm happy for her. she's really come a long way in the last year. she's my inspiration. well she always has been. she's a rock. a rock that has been smoothed out by the hardships of life. but still a beautiful rock. i miss my mom. i can't wait to be with her for the christmas holiday.

emma is eating cheerios on her own. truly amazing. i miss that little girl too. she's yapping it up, crawling up a storm, and pulling herself up on everything. she is a joy to mom, dad, grammy, grandpa and grams. she's a delight.

james is amazing. we grow closer every day and sometimes that is via supporting each other through the hard stuff of life. it's weird how it happens that way but it does. he put on a magic show at my 30th birthday party. i smiled from ear to ear and poeople really enjoyed him. he made a paper rose float and then upon lighting it up it turned into a real rose. that's 25 red roses to date and a bunch of other flowers that i can't count. (i think i am bragging... yep, i am) gasp, aahs, and wows were heard all around. it was very fun and i was glad to show him off. we are both therapist of sorts. he is the "let me bring you amazement, joy and a chance to connect with laughter you need and child in you" therapist by way of his magic and entertainment. i'm the "let me give you a safe space to confront your pain, loss, etc. but also let me piss you off by challenging you to a better way of being" therapist. i think i'd like to be the magician therapist. he makes more an hour than i will. he makes people laugh. people instantly think good of him. i don't know that i'd make a horrible magician but i would always want to refer people to the best (read james) at making others laugh and be entertained. i'd put myself out of business. i think i might have to stick to my plan.

i think i might stop now. i think i obviously need to do this a bit more.