my blog concious didn't even have to remind me of my need to post. i am posting on my own free will. my blog concious will be very happy to hear of such growth in the blog-o-sphere.
this is the end of week 8 of my 10 week quarter. i have to make a push to get to the end with many a final (three to be exact that loom out there larger than life) and a huge paper (freud and his influence on the american church!). every quarter it seems like something short of a miracle to get it done. this too will be the same experience. but it will take a miracle rather large in size and really no life for the next three weekends. what's three weekends really. such a short amount of time.
i registered for classes for next quarter. i paid alot of money and when thinking about the loans that covered 3/4 of my tuition i realize i will be paying that much more for the classes for next quarter. it's a good thing i am excited beyond belief. psychopathology. psychopharmacology. marital therapy. clinical foundations. i've already bought the books. i am a nerd. but that's me. i'm always in the future. current moments usually escape me. i am sure in my psychopathology class i'll understand that about myself. i am sure in my psychopharmacology class i might discover a medication that will help. i am sure in my marital therapy class i'll realize how that might not be good for a marriage relationship. in clinical foundations, i can't use it as a "fake" role play because i would really be looking for answers from a fellow student who knows no more than i do which is really not a lot. anyway, my very own copy of the DSM is on its way to me. i think i will have to have someone hold it for me until i need it so i don't diagnose myself to insanity.
i've been reading (skimming really) this book called "on being a therapist". it basically is trying to scare the shit out of you and deter you from being a therapist. it's a refreshing book in the sense that it lays it out on the line. but really i can't read it word for word at least not right now. it's not stuff i don't already know about being in the helping profession. i learned a lot of those lessons in the school of hard knocks. the question, why am i signing up for that again? who knows. i think my optimism, idealism and hopefulness really should go away so that i can come to terms with the 10% of therapy that might see someone change. oh maybe my optimism is turning to pessimism as we speak. i shared with the class that if i didn't think i was expressly disobeying the will of God that i may reconsider. granted i don't hold much water for God having a specific will for anyone but this therapy road i know i have to go down... even if in the end i really do burn out in five years... and still have the remaining 5 or 15 to pay off the student loans. i have decided to scratch the itch. no regrets.
this is no longer a brief update. i think it's turned into self-therapy.
my mom bought a house in ohio this past week. she'll move after the holidays. beautiful house, almost two acres of land and really i think it cost $2. i'm happy for her. she's really come a long way in the last year. she's my inspiration. well she always has been. she's a rock. a rock that has been smoothed out by the hardships of life. but still a beautiful rock. i miss my mom. i can't wait to be with her for the christmas holiday.
emma is eating cheerios on her own. truly amazing. i miss that little girl too. she's yapping it up, crawling up a storm, and pulling herself up on everything. she is a joy to mom, dad, grammy, grandpa and grams. she's a delight.
james is amazing. we grow closer every day and sometimes that is via supporting each other through the hard stuff of life. it's weird how it happens that way but it does. he put on a magic show at my 30th birthday party. i smiled from ear to ear and poeople really enjoyed him. he made a paper rose float and then upon lighting it up it turned into a real rose. that's 25 red roses to date and a bunch of other flowers that i can't count. (i think i am bragging... yep, i am) gasp, aahs, and wows were heard all around. it was very fun and i was glad to show him off. we are both therapist of sorts. he is the "let me bring you amazement, joy and a chance to connect with laughter you need and child in you" therapist by way of his magic and entertainment. i'm the "let me give you a safe space to confront your pain, loss, etc. but also let me piss you off by challenging you to a better way of being" therapist. i think i'd like to be the magician therapist. he makes more an hour than i will. he makes people laugh. people instantly think good of him. i don't know that i'd make a horrible magician but i would always want to refer people to the best (read james) at making others laugh and be entertained. i'd put myself out of business. i think i might have to stick to my plan.
i think i might stop now. i think i obviously need to do this a bit more.
Thursday, November 16, 2006
Monday, November 6, 2006
Friday, November 3, 2006
Wednesday, November 1, 2006
To my blog conscience
Dear Blog Conscience,
Hello. How are you? Thank you for my recent prodding. I have felt for quite sometime the need to blog and yet because of a recent surge of busyness have neglected such this very important obligation. Yet with your urging and frankly because I can't sleep a wink this evening, I am posting. Thank you every so much for your blogging encouragement. I was actually wondering why you hadn't prodded earlier. (Much laughter.)
Week 6 of my ten week quarter is about to come to a close. My slackerness is catching up with me and I've found myself scrambling to get things done. My weekends of fun and fanfare have come to an end. Well not entirely but I can no longer take the whole weekend for such frivolity. This is exacerbated by staring a new job this last week. I am now the Assistant to the Associate Provost (well the interim Associate Provost). I've been through much training for the last week and look forward to getting into the groove. I am wiped out by the end of the day. I am in class or working from 8-5 everyday. Must find room for studying! Yes, I am crazy with such a load. What is new and it's about high time I resume the hectic life I once was accustomed too. Anyway, the job is a great opportunity at some things I am already good at. It feels good to be a part of the working world again. The pay is good and much needed!! They work around my school schedule and it's right on campus. I feel very fortunate.
The boyfriend of now 3 months is great. We are great. I find myself more in love each day. Our friendship and communication continues to grow. We make each other laugh. We cry together. He's my study buddy and helps keep me on task and reminds me that school is number one. It is very cool. I feel very blessed to have him in my life. He had a show on my 30th birthday in which I attended and much to my surprise he brought me up on stage and had everyone sing me happy birthday and then gave me two dozen red roses. It was amazing. He comes by his charm honestly. He's great and makes me feel like a very special, beautiful and amazing girl. I like that I have my biggest fan in him. He's going to do a magic show at my birthday party this weekend. I requested it and I know all will enjoy but even if no one does expect me to be sitting right in front smiling from ear to ear. I can't get enough of him and really I can't get enough of the smiles and laughter he brings through his entertainment. It's magic, baby. No, really it is!
The 30th birthday was great. My sister joined me all the way from Ohio to help me celebrate! It was great. I had some great friends help my birthday weekend be a fabulous one! I feel officially welcomed to the 30's and happy to be there. I look forward to more celebrating this weekend.
Muscle pull I'd say is pretty healed. Overuse makes it a bit sore but I've been back to exercising and might even try the beloved TKB tomorrow.
Mom moved to Ohio and is doing good. She's looking into housing options and adjusting to life in the OH. I've booked my ticket for Christmas which I am thankful to mom for picking up the tab. I'll be spending Thanksgiving in the CA with James and his posse. I wish he was going with me for Christmas but with work being so bah-humbug he says he's bah-humbug too since we'll be spending it apart. Not to worry as we'll be ringing in the New Year together. I look forward to seeing the Emster in the OH as she'll be nearly 10 months old. She's a tyrant (the cutest, sweetest tyrant) as she pulls herself up on everything and scares the dog with the speed in which she can crawl after it.
Anyway, that is the update on me. Again, my regrets. I am going to try my hardest to get back into the blogging swing of things. Thanks for my prod, my blogging conscience. I think I might be seeing you around... this weekend!?
With my love and a bucket of blessings sent your way,
life girl
Hello. How are you? Thank you for my recent prodding. I have felt for quite sometime the need to blog and yet because of a recent surge of busyness have neglected such this very important obligation. Yet with your urging and frankly because I can't sleep a wink this evening, I am posting. Thank you every so much for your blogging encouragement. I was actually wondering why you hadn't prodded earlier. (Much laughter.)
Week 6 of my ten week quarter is about to come to a close. My slackerness is catching up with me and I've found myself scrambling to get things done. My weekends of fun and fanfare have come to an end. Well not entirely but I can no longer take the whole weekend for such frivolity. This is exacerbated by staring a new job this last week. I am now the Assistant to the Associate Provost (well the interim Associate Provost). I've been through much training for the last week and look forward to getting into the groove. I am wiped out by the end of the day. I am in class or working from 8-5 everyday. Must find room for studying! Yes, I am crazy with such a load. What is new and it's about high time I resume the hectic life I once was accustomed too. Anyway, the job is a great opportunity at some things I am already good at. It feels good to be a part of the working world again. The pay is good and much needed!! They work around my school schedule and it's right on campus. I feel very fortunate.
The boyfriend of now 3 months is great. We are great. I find myself more in love each day. Our friendship and communication continues to grow. We make each other laugh. We cry together. He's my study buddy and helps keep me on task and reminds me that school is number one. It is very cool. I feel very blessed to have him in my life. He had a show on my 30th birthday in which I attended and much to my surprise he brought me up on stage and had everyone sing me happy birthday and then gave me two dozen red roses. It was amazing. He comes by his charm honestly. He's great and makes me feel like a very special, beautiful and amazing girl. I like that I have my biggest fan in him. He's going to do a magic show at my birthday party this weekend. I requested it and I know all will enjoy but even if no one does expect me to be sitting right in front smiling from ear to ear. I can't get enough of him and really I can't get enough of the smiles and laughter he brings through his entertainment. It's magic, baby. No, really it is!
The 30th birthday was great. My sister joined me all the way from Ohio to help me celebrate! It was great. I had some great friends help my birthday weekend be a fabulous one! I feel officially welcomed to the 30's and happy to be there. I look forward to more celebrating this weekend.
Muscle pull I'd say is pretty healed. Overuse makes it a bit sore but I've been back to exercising and might even try the beloved TKB tomorrow.
Mom moved to Ohio and is doing good. She's looking into housing options and adjusting to life in the OH. I've booked my ticket for Christmas which I am thankful to mom for picking up the tab. I'll be spending Thanksgiving in the CA with James and his posse. I wish he was going with me for Christmas but with work being so bah-humbug he says he's bah-humbug too since we'll be spending it apart. Not to worry as we'll be ringing in the New Year together. I look forward to seeing the Emster in the OH as she'll be nearly 10 months old. She's a tyrant (the cutest, sweetest tyrant) as she pulls herself up on everything and scares the dog with the speed in which she can crawl after it.
Anyway, that is the update on me. Again, my regrets. I am going to try my hardest to get back into the blogging swing of things. Thanks for my prod, my blogging conscience. I think I might be seeing you around... this weekend!?
With my love and a bucket of blessings sent your way,
life girl
Monday, October 16, 2006
SWB Monday: muscle pull and 30 years
the desolation:
I pulled a muscle last Tuesday morning in a step aerobics class. I was eagerly doing my routine in the back of the class when suddenly I felt like someone punched my left calf or threw something at it. I looked behind to find nothing and then realized that that punch came internally. The thought that came into my head: Get out of gym. Call James. I nearly passed out two times limping to my car. I called him and cried. I was so scared. I made it to the doctor although had to have a medical assistant pick me up at my car because at that time I could no longer walk. James met me at the doctor. Motrin, Vicodin and Flexerall... lots of resting and icing and it turned from a ton of pain and no walking to the subtle limp and occasionaly burst of pain. I am not a good patient. I'm over it! Looking back, I realize how irrational I was... should have stayed at gym where surrounded by people and trainers... Nope, all I could think of was calling James. I never had that boy to call to come and be my hero. I'd take no muscle pull for sure but having him to depend on was something different and good for me.
the consolation:
I'm turning 30 on Friday! Yipee!! Granted for most of my 29th year, I dreaded the reality that I was going to turn 30 but now I really look forward to Friday marking another phase of life which is to come. I've often heard that your 20s are crap and most of it is spent figuring out who you are as a person via making stupid mistakes, etc. I'd have to agree with that. I'd say the last five years specifically have really been the hit bottom and crawl back up to a new and better way of being. Life isn't so black and white as I turn 30. I pick my battles. I don't get as easily angered or frustrated. I have an insatiable curiousity but am focused on only a few things that I feel like are my part in making a mark in this world and in the kingdom of God. I enjoy the simple things of life and appreciate the beauty that surrounds me. I'm not as quite in a hurry as I used to be. I'm less judgmental of people but maybe a little less optimistic as well and I've finally realized that I can't change anyone. I'm not as thin as I hoped to be but realize that eating right and exercising isn't all about being skinny. I don't talk as much as I used to and I'm more content to listen. I have more opinions and feel assured of what I want or don't want but feel less of a need to assert the majority of them. I was a door mat before but now I say no a lot more often. I've resigned my costumes of super woman and the messiah. I don't have to please everyone or anyone for that matter. I'll just be a marriage and family therapist and love on the family and friends God has given me. I'm okay with the fact that that's all I can handle and want to handle in life. So, happy birthday to me! Thank God for the last 30 years and here's to the next 30 years being the best ever...I hope!
I pulled a muscle last Tuesday morning in a step aerobics class. I was eagerly doing my routine in the back of the class when suddenly I felt like someone punched my left calf or threw something at it. I looked behind to find nothing and then realized that that punch came internally. The thought that came into my head: Get out of gym. Call James. I nearly passed out two times limping to my car. I called him and cried. I was so scared. I made it to the doctor although had to have a medical assistant pick me up at my car because at that time I could no longer walk. James met me at the doctor. Motrin, Vicodin and Flexerall... lots of resting and icing and it turned from a ton of pain and no walking to the subtle limp and occasionaly burst of pain. I am not a good patient. I'm over it! Looking back, I realize how irrational I was... should have stayed at gym where surrounded by people and trainers... Nope, all I could think of was calling James. I never had that boy to call to come and be my hero. I'd take no muscle pull for sure but having him to depend on was something different and good for me.
the consolation:
I'm turning 30 on Friday! Yipee!! Granted for most of my 29th year, I dreaded the reality that I was going to turn 30 but now I really look forward to Friday marking another phase of life which is to come. I've often heard that your 20s are crap and most of it is spent figuring out who you are as a person via making stupid mistakes, etc. I'd have to agree with that. I'd say the last five years specifically have really been the hit bottom and crawl back up to a new and better way of being. Life isn't so black and white as I turn 30. I pick my battles. I don't get as easily angered or frustrated. I have an insatiable curiousity but am focused on only a few things that I feel like are my part in making a mark in this world and in the kingdom of God. I enjoy the simple things of life and appreciate the beauty that surrounds me. I'm not as quite in a hurry as I used to be. I'm less judgmental of people but maybe a little less optimistic as well and I've finally realized that I can't change anyone. I'm not as thin as I hoped to be but realize that eating right and exercising isn't all about being skinny. I don't talk as much as I used to and I'm more content to listen. I have more opinions and feel assured of what I want or don't want but feel less of a need to assert the majority of them. I was a door mat before but now I say no a lot more often. I've resigned my costumes of super woman and the messiah. I don't have to please everyone or anyone for that matter. I'll just be a marriage and family therapist and love on the family and friends God has given me. I'm okay with the fact that that's all I can handle and want to handle in life. So, happy birthday to me! Thank God for the last 30 years and here's to the next 30 years being the best ever...I hope!
Thursday, October 5, 2006
three things thursday
1. I love TKB (turbo kick boxing). I've been twice this week and hope to go again tonight. I learned new coreography on Tuesday and had it nearly memorized on Wednesday night. I'm a nut.
2. I'm turning into a history nut. Never in a million years. I finally get why history is so important to the everyday folk. I've been so ignorant.
3. 15 days to my 30th birthday. Woo-hoo!
2. I'm turning into a history nut. Never in a million years. I finally get why history is so important to the everyday folk. I've been so ignorant.
3. 15 days to my 30th birthday. Woo-hoo!
Monday, October 2, 2006
all these years
I didn't pay much attention in the obligatory history classes of my high school or college days. I used to think it just wasn't my thing and largely I don't think it is my thing but welcome the two church history classes I've had with Dr. Feldmeth and I think history is just delightful and most necessary. It's changed the way I've thought about faith and really just opened my eyes to see the power of a few decisions through the thoughts and actions of people continue to shape our lives today. It is fascinating.
The little tid bit that really isn't profound but one of those ignorances that is now disspelled in my head. Pilgrims were just a part of the population of people who came over to New England. They were a specific group of Puritans among other groups of Puritans. Pilgrims were seperatist congregationalist who settled at Plymouth. They took off from Plymouth, England and founded Plymouth, New England. Them be all the Pilgrims in America.
With the miraculous defeat of the Spanish Armada in 1588, England picked up the notion that it was a chosen people much like the Old Testament people of Israel. There was no possible way they could have defeated the Spanish army and so it was only by the reality that there were a chosen people of God that they were saved. Fast foward to the Puritans coming to America and this notion came with them. The Puritans were a remnant of this new chosen people and thus America was founded with that type of idealism and notion of God's blessing. Politicians who weren't even religious used expessions of God's blessing on America, etc. I don't think much has changed in that regard. I don't think it was good then and I don't think it is good now. Okay, I'll stop. :) Anyway, love this history stuff. My worldview is opened and I realize how ignorant I've been.
The little tid bit that really isn't profound but one of those ignorances that is now disspelled in my head. Pilgrims were just a part of the population of people who came over to New England. They were a specific group of Puritans among other groups of Puritans. Pilgrims were seperatist congregationalist who settled at Plymouth. They took off from Plymouth, England and founded Plymouth, New England. Them be all the Pilgrims in America.
With the miraculous defeat of the Spanish Armada in 1588, England picked up the notion that it was a chosen people much like the Old Testament people of Israel. There was no possible way they could have defeated the Spanish army and so it was only by the reality that there were a chosen people of God that they were saved. Fast foward to the Puritans coming to America and this notion came with them. The Puritans were a remnant of this new chosen people and thus America was founded with that type of idealism and notion of God's blessing. Politicians who weren't even religious used expessions of God's blessing on America, etc. I don't think much has changed in that regard. I don't think it was good then and I don't think it is good now. Okay, I'll stop. :) Anyway, love this history stuff. My worldview is opened and I realize how ignorant I've been.
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