dread realized

All I could think of as I was waiting 1 1/2 hours for the transportation company to come pick us up from the doctor's office was a cold, stiff drink. The strong one this afternoon was certainly the MIL. I was near meltdown and I'll tell you why...

At 12:45pm, I started my preparations to take my MIL to the hospital for her follow-up appointment with her doctor. Got an extra diaper, wipes, pajama and vomit receptacle. I had my list of questions and her Kaiser card and ID. I was set to go. I successfully got her into her wheel chair using the Hoyer lift and almost comfortable. The butterflies in my stomach subsided at this point. The transportation company came on time and we were off. We got to the hospital, got checked in and into the doctor's office in decent doctor's off time. The appointment went well and I got all my questions answered, etc. Jane really didn't even have to be there. He all of listened to her lungs. Seriously that was it. Oh, the nurse took her blood pressure. Anyway, we did it and it was over. Then I called the transportation company to say, "Pick us up!" We'll be there in 30 minutes, they said. After 40 minutes, I called again. They are on the 10 freeway and it'll be another 10 minutes. So, when I called 25 minutes after that and then waited another 30 when they told me there were only a mile away...let's just say that I was a bit frustrated. Jane was good but I was near meltdown. Apparently, MTrans doesn't know that I don't have any nerves left! Finally after my MIL had been in the wheelchair about 3 hours and 45 minutes (her range is about 15 minutes to 1 hour!), they arrived. I was relieved to know we were about 10 minutes from being hope but then my MIL got a bit clamy and sure enough vomit-city was going to come upon us again. Thankfully, it subsided and we got home. James was home at the time so that helped to have him take over at that point.

We got her in bed and she was out (like asleep). I'm sure that I'll follow soon after I've had some grub and that stiff one I talked about.

The good news...for my nerves especially...is that we've hired a live-in caregiver. She's competent, affordable, great references and will be a huge help to James and I in having some time for ourselves. She'll provide Jane with great care. I hope it works out in the long term. We are interviewing someone tomorrow for interim weekend work. It looks like things are coming together. The new cynical side of me hesitates but the usual optimistic side wants to come out and say that this will all work out.

dread

In about an hour from now, I'm taking my MIL to her primary care doctor for a follow-up appointment post skilled nursing facility. It was supposed to be last Friday when my husband was still on leave but as luck would have it the doctor "wasn't in clinic" that day and had to reschedule. Obviously, "wasn't in clinic" meant the doctor was taking a four day weekend at the last minute. I can't blame him and yet it leaves me with extreme anxiety as I take on the task today.

If it were just throwing her in the car and going, it obviously wouldn't be such a deal but taking my MIL to the doctor means a $62 round trip from a non-medical wheelchair transportation company, using the Hoyer lift by myself (a saga in itself) and trying to make her comfortable for an extended stay in the wheelchair. The sigh of relief I will have when we roll back into this house is just going to be sure bliss.

Wish me luck...

Do you know this tune?

"F to the R to the E to the E to the C to the R to EDIT RE to port to the dot to the com. Come on everybody grab your bike and sing along."

Yep, that is James favorite jingle as of late. Do you know the commercial? He seriously gets excited and sings along when the commercial comes on. He'll also busts out spontaneously the jingle.

He also has a special little dance for the theme song for The Office. It's real special too.

My nerves, my nerves, my nerves

As I am relaxing after a long day of care taking and a couple of interviews for caretakers, James calls me from his mom's room in a panic. As I round the corner I hear him saying, "Are you going to throw up, Mom?" I tell James to put his mom up but at that point she is already starting to vomit and as history repeats itself James is starting to look a bit faint as well. James sits down and his eyes start going and I pull the MIL up to a seated position. There is this thing that we've heard a million times since the MIL had a stroke... aspiration. Aspiration is when one throws up inside themselves. It can lead to pneumonia and pneumonia and its complications can lead to no good things like death. When you can't control one side of your body, it is hard to prompt yourself up so that you project out. Now you know why I am pulling my MIL up in a forceful fashion to a seated position. As I am cleaning up the MIL, James is getting up only to really not feel good and I'm seeing his eye balls start to roll again. Fortunately, he can lay down, put his feet up and recover from nearly passing out again.

I return to the coach exhausted emotionally, physically and mentally and my nerves shot again.

I'm so glad tomorrow that I have to get my MIL in a wheelchair and take her to the doctor's office all on my own. I'm already visually the relief I will feel when the transportation company drop us off and she is back in bed. The bright side is I only have my MIL to deal with if she gets rattled as opposed to the MIL and my weak stomach husband to manage.

Hole? Where is the hole I want to crawl in? My nerves need a break.

On the bright side, we interview someone tonight who is experienced, affordable, pleasant, a self-starter and wants to start immediately. She can start and we won't have much to train her on other than where she can find stuff. If he references check out, we'll be good to go and my nerves might have a chance to recover after all. We can only hope.

Learning a different language...

Today I figured out something else about my MIL in our constant effort to try to communicate with someone who can't talk and has thus far not been able to use communication devices, a pad of paper and a pen or the simple gesture of pointing. She's been doing this thing lately that we haven't been able to figure out. With her "good" leg she'll bend it and then try to lift herself up. My husband and I couldn't figure it out. Did her leg hurt? Her bottom? Was she moving because she was in some kind of pain? Did she have gas and the movement showed some type of working it out? I figured it out today. It means she'd like to lay back almost flat in her bed. She is trying to demonstrate the desire to go back. Ahh!! That felt good to figure out another piece of the puzzle of her needs and wants.

My mom got an iPhone...

My mom finally got an iPhone. Supposedly, we'll keep in touch bettter if we both have iPhones. I agree. I am much more excited to make any type of call using my iPhone. So far we have kept in touch better. The miracle of the iPhone.

Anyway, now I get lots of cool pictures sent to me from her iPhone.

My new appendage...

I'd like to introduce you to my new appendage... Roy (short for Royal Jack). I can't walk around the house without him at my feet. I can't even go to the bathroom without him at my feet. I gotta start closing the door to have some peace! Roy is Jane's dog but since Jane isn't up and about, he has adopted me as his end all be all. This is me trying to work on my laptop. Granted I put him on the desk to sit down next to me but this is him insisting that next to him isn't quite close enough. Serious boundary issues. He is right now taking a little snooze on the floor next to me but as soon as I move he'll perk up and follow me. I'd bet you thousands upon thousands of dollars that would happen because well it hasn't NOT happened. To top it all off he licks me incessantly...if I let him!

Scoti is my other little friend but he is pretty independent. He comes to me for a little love here and there but is okay to be on his own. I'll post pictures of him some time when he isnt' shying away and Roy isn't demanding every second of my attention.