Insomnia and an update

Sleep hasn't come easily to me these past couple of days. Last night I woke up at 1:30am and then didn't get back to sleep until 5am. Needless to say a lot on my mind and heart...

My favorite shows as a result of insomnia is Shear Genuis, Top Chef and Keeping up with the Kardashians. In the process of watching such intellectually stimulating TV, I've also started to record Step It Up and Dance. I'm open to other suggestions. I could try to grade some papers, write a paper or catch up on reading but somehow the insomnia is mind numbing and hasn't yet sparked the motivational bug I so need get going.

James' mother is now at a skilled nursing facility. Nothing much has changed. She is awake a bit more but we are still not quite sure how much she is aware of what is going on or has the ability to process anything let alone language, etc. She still has an IV and feeding tube and the speech therapist feels it is still unsafe to try to see if she can swallow since she isn't 100% able to follow commands because of this unawareness. We spent the weekend decorating her room at the skilled nursing facility. James watched a movie while I worked on homework, etc. The future is so unknown which presents itself with a host of questions we feel anxious to answer. It is hard on James, on us as a couple of and on me for a host of various reasons. It is tough. We do like the skilled nursing facility, the family of her roommate, the doctors and nurses. We were blessed to receive this placement for Jane.

We've received many blessings, support, care and concern through all of this. My MFT cohort has set up dinner for us for every day for two weeks to help us out. This has been such a huge blessing and a help. It is one less thing we have to think about in a day. We also received a very generous gift card to a grocery store today in the mail. I mean very generous. What a great help. We've received cards, monetary help and offers of help beyond what one could ever contain. It has been quite overwhelming and yet such a life saver during this time. I love community and my commitment to it has grown in the past two weeks.

Tonight does mark two weeks since James found his mom after she had suffered her stroke. I really can't believe it and yet in many ways I feel like it hasn't sunk in how much life has changed and that it will be forever changed. I can't even begin to imagine all the pain, sadness, despair and hurt that my husband is feeling. I can empathize but really have no idea what it feels like. I am proud to have a husband who hasn't escaped any of his thoughts or feelings but has risen to the occasion to care for him mom and has looked pain in the face and taken it on. He is a better person than me in this and so many other ways.