I don't think about my life a lot and it's really not that unintentional. It's more about survival. Tonight was one of those nights that I have the rare opportunity to see my life the way it is and the surprising part is that I chuckled. I didn't feel sad or hopeless that we take care of my MIL and how limiting it is, difficult and the future way unknown. I didn't feel stressed or overwhelmed by the responsibility of my job. I just laughed. My life really is bizarre. Funny bizarre.
Although I can't say much about my job as a therapist. Confidentiality and all that. I can say that I work with at-risk youth, emphasis on the RISK. It's the total opposite population in which I ever intended to work with but as things work out, I LOVE IT. It's demanding, challenging and often heart breaking. It's rewarding too. It's a bunch of things and often I leave the day thinking about sessions wondering how I heard all that and I'm still standing. Enough said.
Then, I often help my husband take care of his mom. My mother-in-law (MIL) or as I like to call her, "Ms. Magoo", "Trouble", "Silly" or "Mommasita Bonita". It just depends on my mood...and hers. Anyway, for those who need a refresher on the condition of the MIL, she's what we call in the caregiving world, TOTAL CARE. She can't really do much for herself although 50% of the time I can convince her to help me in some capacity. The quick and dirty is that we change her diapers and provide medication through a tube she has in her stomach... among other things...well everything for her comfort and survival. Again, total care. She can use one side of her body but the other is still paralyzed hence she can't walk and, oh, she still can't talk.
The moment came tonight when I finished up a progress note. I'm thinking about a case and what's going on....blah, blah, blah...tough, difficult, worry, etc. and then I get up to go change my MIL's diaper, give her medication and put her bed for the night...like without skipping a beat. As I was proceeding to begin to convince my MIL to help me by removing her blankets and beginning to undo the side of the diaper in which she can access with her own hand, I had this moment of clarity in which I realize how bizarre a day in my life really is. By day therapist to at-risk youth trying to assist them (convince, beg, plead!) in making different choices and by night changing my MIL diapers, I mean who freaking lives a life likes this! This is when I chuckled. I mean, seriously, my life is rando!
Then again, I am married to a magician. My name is unsual and I still have never had the chickenpox. It looks like I may have been destined for the rando and bizarre.
Thursday, July 30, 2009
Monday, July 13, 2009
Friendly Family Mail
Today I got a piece of mail from my mom addressed to both the husband
and I. You may be thinking why would lifegirl be posting such a boring
sentiment on this here blog. Well, it's because one, we didn't ask my
mom for money this time and two, we never get email addressed to both
of us by my mom. Nothing wrong with it but usually the mail from the
mother is addressed to me. But I digress...
and I. You may be thinking why would lifegirl be posting such a boring
sentiment on this here blog. Well, it's because one, we didn't ask my
mom for money this time and two, we never get email addressed to both
of us by my mom. Nothing wrong with it but usually the mail from the
mother is addressed to me. But I digress...
In the envelope was a note addressed to the husband and I and again
I'm struck at the oddity. The content of the note revealed all,
"Thought you would enjoy seeing what you'd be in for if you were ever
able to move to Ohio. Love you! Mom"
Ah! I understand. The mother move to continue to sweeten the deal to
move to the OH.
Enclosed were two articles.
The two articles enclosed were about people hanging pairs of shoes on
a tree for good luck and big black bears wandering up to people's
houses in search for food.
This is supposed to convince me to want to move to the Midwest. Crazy
shoe tree worshippers and bears knocking on my window. I think I'll
stick with my gun shots, road rage, cement parks and high prices
thankyouverymuch.
All sillyness aside, little things like that make me wonder if really
I could make the move in order go be close to my family again. The
cool part is that they are out here for vaca next week! Yipee!!!
Marriage Moment #184
Double check that when you are on the phone with your husband, that he
isn't also working on a project. This will save you ample amounts of
time by avoiding those long pauses after questions and the emotional
stress of arguments in which he swears you never told him that key
piece of information that you most certainly did tell him.
isn't also working on a project. This will save you ample amounts of
time by avoiding those long pauses after questions and the emotional
stress of arguments in which he swears you never told him that key
piece of information that you most certainly did tell him.
This has been a public service announcement. Thank you.
Test
This is a test of the emergency broadcasting system...err, the Zoey
email blogging system. This is only a test...
email blogging system. This is only a test...
Wednesday, July 1, 2009
Routines, routines...the beauty of routines...
Last Thursday night, I decided I had enough of the foul odor coming from the dogs. You see, I have a thing about smells. I smell everything. I often enter the house and remark to my husband, "What smells? Do you smell that?" He mostly replies, "No".
Well, enough was enough with these little doggies. I was hell bent on giving them baths.
The funny thing that occurred to me while I was in the process of the giving them a bath is that there is a specific ritual/reaction/routine that each dog exhibits. It can really be broken down into three stages.
Pre-Bath/Bath/Post-Bath
Roy, the older dog, doesn't see the bath coming. He ends up in the tub and doesn't seem to mind the bath much except, "DON'T even come close to trying to wash my mouth area because I will BITE YOU!" This dog being almost 100 years old in human years (that's 14 years old in dog years) is all the time cranky and unfortunately his little mouth is painful to the touch. Then he emerges from the bath looking like a drowned rat. He then proceeds to run to the first available carpeted area of our house and rub his face against the carpet as if to say, "It burns. It burns. It burns. Why? WHY? Why does she have to use the water and the soap on me? IT BURNS."
Scoti smells the idea coming from the first time I think it in my head. I grab for the soap. Then I call for him and he's underneath my MIL's bed almost impossible to reach. I've wised to this so I hunt him down and he goes first in dog bath mania. After securing him by means of brut force, I proceed to the bathtub and use the shower curtain liner as a mock wall on the left and shove the other half of my body against the right shower wall edge. The water has already been turned on (this comes before I try to locate the dog) because I have to use one hand for the shower head and the other to keep the dog in the tub. I've moved to turn the shower on after putting the dog in the tub but that ends up with the dog exiting the tub. Not good. Anyway, after fighting with the dog in the tub, he gets washed. After drying him off, Scoti proceeds to run around the house like a psychotic loon. Up and down the hallway. Around all pieces of furniture. It likes the shower gives him a burst of energy only a psychotic break can give one.
Lastly, they beg me, BEG ME to go outside. I try to hold them off as long as possible but succumb to their need to get dirty again. "I CAN'T stand to be clean. I must get dirty. NOW. NOW. NOOOOWWWW."
It tires them out so much they then take a nap. I mean if you had the traumatic experience of taking a bath once every two weeks, I'm sure you'd display these same reactions.
a day in the life...
James came into the house from working the garage.
Z: Your mom was hollering. I guess she wanted the fan on.
J: I just turned the fan off. She wanted the fan off.
Z: Well, I don't know because turning the fan on made her happy.
J: Oh. Ok.
A day in the life of caring for an aphasiac person.
Wednesday, April 29, 2009
Deflated with a dose of the defeated
My goal tonight was a blog entry. Obviously, I met this goal by this entry but it came in the way of kicking and screaming. Ok, there was no kicking and screaming. It was more of an internal kicking and screaming. Nonetheless, here I am. Tonight started off good. I was productive and feeling glad to be home. I haven't been too motivated at work but was able to get past that after venting a bit about possible roots to my feelings. I moved right along until I checked the mail. The IRS discovered that a chunk of unemployment money from James was never filed. This was 2007. We were married only 16 days. Basically, our tax person made a mistake in not including it and we never double checked the return before signing off. Our bad. The cynical part of me screams, "Sorry, we were busy helping my MIL through a catastrophic stroke." It is followed by the other cynical part of me that says we paid someone $165 to not have to double check their work. All that is besides the point. Uncle Sam calls and he don't play. It's money. It's a lot of money. Almost $1,000. Still, it's money. We'll pay it and move on with our lives. Lessons learned. Blah. Blah. Blah.
I think the problem is that it's one thing after another. At least it feels that way. The last year and one month was a series of instances that have cost a lot of money and/or been an extreme headache. We've got through them. We are getting through them. We are the better for our trials. I used to not be able to say that. I can begin to say it now. BUT SERIOUSLY, give this girl and her husband a freaking break. Please.
So, tonight I had a couple of goals. They were "Sharpen the Saw" and "Big Rock" goals. One was the mental sharpening that writing/blogging brings to me. The other was a thank you note that I wanted to write. There were a few "to-do's" I wanted to get to. I just feel deflated with a dose of the defeated. So, I write this because I want to meet my goal. The discipline to meet my goal is good as I don't feel quite as deflated and/or defeated as I did a few short paragraphs ago.
I think the problem is that it's one thing after another. At least it feels that way. The last year and one month was a series of instances that have cost a lot of money and/or been an extreme headache. We've got through them. We are getting through them. We are the better for our trials. I used to not be able to say that. I can begin to say it now. BUT SERIOUSLY, give this girl and her husband a freaking break. Please.
So, tonight I had a couple of goals. They were "Sharpen the Saw" and "Big Rock" goals. One was the mental sharpening that writing/blogging brings to me. The other was a thank you note that I wanted to write. There were a few "to-do's" I wanted to get to. I just feel deflated with a dose of the defeated. So, I write this because I want to meet my goal. The discipline to meet my goal is good as I don't feel quite as deflated and/or defeated as I did a few short paragraphs ago.
Tuesday, March 31, 2009
Unhappy Anniversary
Today marks an anniversary of sorts. It's not something to celebrate in the slightest but something significant in which to pause and reflect on as it's had a huge impact on my life. Today is the one year anniversary of my mother-in-law's (MIL) catastrophic stroke.
It's hard to sum up what it's meant for myself, my marriage and especially my MIL. It is still too raw and unstable and at the same time static and predictable. We're solely responsible for the welfare of another person and feel totally inadequate to do so. We've made in-roads in the day-to-day care of my MIL and yet are dealing with other issues far beyond our knowledge or experience or financial means...health insurance/medicare/medical, major house repairs, ect. We've had to stand in the gap of my MIL's life and in many respects put our individual and marital life on the back burner. To say it's been hard is an understatement. We speak of the future and collapse under the weight of both the possibilities and the restraints only to realize we can still only exist in the day to day...still...for now.
My MIL is happy to be in her own home and cared for by her son and daughter-in-law and the wonderful caregivers we've met along the way. She still can't talk, eat or use the right side of her body. Chances are she never will especially as we mark one year since her stroke. She can smile and smile she does and I can't remember seeing my MIL smile as much before the stroke. She can laugh and she does as her and her son play and tease each other in their own little way. Her and I still find a way to gang up on my husband and tease him endlessly just as we did prior to the stroke. She still watches Food Network all day long eventhough only mashed potatoes and a piece of cake appeal to her and only a few bites at best. She's still a stubborn Irish woman refusing nutrition, baths and exercises -- the only one on earth that gets the pleasant version about 99% of the time is me, her daughter-in-law. Her and I have an agreement she can be mean to everyone else except me. It's working out for both of us so far. :)
I love my job as a therapist to at-risk adolescents. I never in a million and a half years expected to enjoy it and in many respects it's another area in which I feel sooooo unprepared. Yet I feel challenged and I'm motivated to become a better therapist. The staff at my school site as well as the staff at my agency have been supportive and helpful. I'm quickly becoming a master at Department of Mental Health paperwork. I never wanted to become a master at it but I'm all the better for it.
My husband and I are hanging in there. Hanging in there is really good for what we've been through. We've been married 1 year and 3 1/2 months. Again, his mom had the stroke one year ago. Oftentimes it feels the majority of our marriage has been defined by this event and it really it has been. We work hard to keep the "us" intact in the midst of this very not about "us" situation. We know we are all the better for it but it's hard for such a young marriage to endure such a trying time. Yet we are hanging in there. We are deeply indebted to our couples therapist. Seriously.
My husband is taking care of his mom in a full-time capacity during the week. He's pretty amazing to do such a thing to give his mom a dignified and comfortable life. He's on a leave from his full-time job and probably won't be returning. He's still pursuing his magic career and we're hoping it'll continue to pick up as he spends his down time during the day doing that.
My mom and my sister are doing well. I don't see them hardly at all as compared to the past. I miss them terribly and especially regret not being a part of my nieces lives. I will enjoy a week long vacation in Ohio in a couple of weeks. I'm already anticipating the flood of tears as I'll have to leave them after such a short week. That's how much I miss my family. It's pathetic.
I still have the greatest of friends--old and new. Those who listen to me bitch and moan about my difficult life and empathize and assist me in drawing conclusions and new revelations.
All in all, I know I have a lot to be thankful for in spite of my frustration for the things that have been incredibly difficult. I have a job, a roof over my head, food and a husband who adores me, friends and an amazing family. I still have a lot more than many others. A lot more.
It's hard to sum up what it's meant for myself, my marriage and especially my MIL. It is still too raw and unstable and at the same time static and predictable. We're solely responsible for the welfare of another person and feel totally inadequate to do so. We've made in-roads in the day-to-day care of my MIL and yet are dealing with other issues far beyond our knowledge or experience or financial means...health insurance/medicare/medical, major house repairs, ect. We've had to stand in the gap of my MIL's life and in many respects put our individual and marital life on the back burner. To say it's been hard is an understatement. We speak of the future and collapse under the weight of both the possibilities and the restraints only to realize we can still only exist in the day to day...still...for now.
My MIL is happy to be in her own home and cared for by her son and daughter-in-law and the wonderful caregivers we've met along the way. She still can't talk, eat or use the right side of her body. Chances are she never will especially as we mark one year since her stroke. She can smile and smile she does and I can't remember seeing my MIL smile as much before the stroke. She can laugh and she does as her and her son play and tease each other in their own little way. Her and I still find a way to gang up on my husband and tease him endlessly just as we did prior to the stroke. She still watches Food Network all day long eventhough only mashed potatoes and a piece of cake appeal to her and only a few bites at best. She's still a stubborn Irish woman refusing nutrition, baths and exercises -- the only one on earth that gets the pleasant version about 99% of the time is me, her daughter-in-law. Her and I have an agreement she can be mean to everyone else except me. It's working out for both of us so far. :)
I love my job as a therapist to at-risk adolescents. I never in a million and a half years expected to enjoy it and in many respects it's another area in which I feel sooooo unprepared. Yet I feel challenged and I'm motivated to become a better therapist. The staff at my school site as well as the staff at my agency have been supportive and helpful. I'm quickly becoming a master at Department of Mental Health paperwork. I never wanted to become a master at it but I'm all the better for it.
My husband and I are hanging in there. Hanging in there is really good for what we've been through. We've been married 1 year and 3 1/2 months. Again, his mom had the stroke one year ago. Oftentimes it feels the majority of our marriage has been defined by this event and it really it has been. We work hard to keep the "us" intact in the midst of this very not about "us" situation. We know we are all the better for it but it's hard for such a young marriage to endure such a trying time. Yet we are hanging in there. We are deeply indebted to our couples therapist. Seriously.
My husband is taking care of his mom in a full-time capacity during the week. He's pretty amazing to do such a thing to give his mom a dignified and comfortable life. He's on a leave from his full-time job and probably won't be returning. He's still pursuing his magic career and we're hoping it'll continue to pick up as he spends his down time during the day doing that.
My mom and my sister are doing well. I don't see them hardly at all as compared to the past. I miss them terribly and especially regret not being a part of my nieces lives. I will enjoy a week long vacation in Ohio in a couple of weeks. I'm already anticipating the flood of tears as I'll have to leave them after such a short week. That's how much I miss my family. It's pathetic.
I still have the greatest of friends--old and new. Those who listen to me bitch and moan about my difficult life and empathize and assist me in drawing conclusions and new revelations.
All in all, I know I have a lot to be thankful for in spite of my frustration for the things that have been incredibly difficult. I have a job, a roof over my head, food and a husband who adores me, friends and an amazing family. I still have a lot more than many others. A lot more.
Wednesday, February 4, 2009
Facebook Fun
So, if you have a Facebook account, you've been tagged 12 times and instructed to do this ditty...
25 Random Things About Me
Rules: Once you've been tagged, you are supposed to write a note with 25 random things, facts, habits, or goals about you. At the end, choose 25 people to be tagged. You have to tag the person who tagged you. If I tagged you, it's because I want to know more about you.
(To do this, go to “notes” under tabs on your profile page, paste these instructions in the body of the note, type your 25 random things, tag 25 people (in the right hand corner of the app) then click publish.)
1. I heart swirls -- anything with a swirl design I want to own. It's even better if the swirls design has some flowerly design incorporated into it.
2. I have to remind myself sometimes that I met my husband on the freakin' internet.
3. I've never had the chicken pox.
4. I love to take baths...love it.
5. When I used to do TKB classes on a regular basis, I'd often get goose bumps while doing the routines because I was so in love with it.
6. The best investment I've made recently is a white noise maker called a sleepmate.
7. When I get enough sleep, I'm a nice person.
8. My favorite white wine is Reisling.
9. I'm writing this as I watch a movie with my husband. The only time I ever just sit and watch a movie...do nothing else... is at the movie theaters... because people would yell at me if I did something else.
10. I read People magazine from cover to cover... starting Friday night and ending Sunday night...sometimes earlier. I love celebrity gossip.
11. I get excited when my clients want to play a game while we talk about life...cause I love to play games and talk about life. I've learned more games and more about life as a result of the privilege of knowing them.
12. I'm married to a magician and he's one of the best magicians I've seen. I'm partial and yet I think I'm right.
13. I'm now a connoisseur of magic and a critic. It's hard to entertain me now.
14, I'm a part of a love triangle. My two dogs fight over me.
15. I smell everything I am going to eat. If it doesn't smell good, then I don't eat. I also won't eat anything past the expiration date. I can't get past it psychologically.
16. I started drinking alcohol while attending seminary. I also have never done any drugs.
17. I love my iPhone. I am seriously obsessed. I have a nightly ritual of crawling into bed and checking the weather channel application, the mobile news application and making sure I'm up-to-date on the latest status updates on Facebook.
18. I listen to Adam Carolla in the morning and Tom Leykis in the evenings. My husband thinks I'm the best wife because I listen to these guys. There's other reasons why he thinks I'm the best wife...
19. I think sometimes that I'll never go to church again...
20. I love cars... I wish I was rich so I could own many, many cars.
21. I love coffee makers... I admit I try to keep up with the Jones' when it comes to coffee makers.
22. If there were an Office Supplies Anonymous, I'd be compelled to go and others would encourage the admission that I have a problem with acquiring office supplies for the sake of acquiring office supplies.
23. My mom, sister and husband don't let me wander into the pen aisle of Office Depot unattended.
24. I can't whistle to save my life. I also don't have the genes to roll my tongue.
25. I love to take baths, float in the pool or splash in the ocean. I love water.
Wednesday, December 31, 2008
words and phrases i've learned being a therapist
I'm sitting in the library diligently try to catch up on progress notes. I'm listening to some recorded session because apparently when you have 19 clients (well, 22 with my private practice clients), you can't quite remember everything. The thought occurred to me that I've developed quite a expanded vocabulary not only clinically as I try to write like I have a master's degree but also as I've interacted with the kids at my site. This in one new phrase that I've learned since being a therapist and a real life example of how it was used outside of my site:
"for a minute": A time span implying a very long time.
An example, the AT&T guy used this phrase on Monday night when we picked up a new phone for my husband. It went something like,
Husband: "I've been with Verizon since they were AirTouch."
AT&T guy: "Yah, you've been with them for a quick minute."
My husband looked perplexed. I just kept on keeping on. I know a quick minute means a long, long time. I had to let the husband in on the new definition of minute.
More to come...
An example, the AT&T guy used this phrase on Monday night when we picked up a new phone for my husband. It went something like,
Husband: "I've been with Verizon since they were AirTouch."
AT&T guy: "Yah, you've been with them for a quick minute."
My husband looked perplexed. I just kept on keeping on. I know a quick minute means a long, long time. I had to let the husband in on the new definition of minute.
More to come...
Tuesday, November 4, 2008
alls you people are driving me nuts
I told my husband last night at 2:30am in the morning that everyone under this roof is driving me nuts...
Last night at 2:15am, I awake to the rattling of a cage. The dogs stay in a big kennel in our room for the night time. Scoti is a perfect angel and is just as content as can be in his kennel. Roy is mostly content but often DEMANDS to be taken out of the kennel at such fun times at 2:15am in the morning during a work week. I first ignore him then tell him to be quiet. Then I rattle the cage back at him which only works for about a minute which is comparably longer than the every second that ensued before that. Only to eventually take him out of the kennel and properly escort him outside to do his business. Oh, I didn't tell you the dogs WEREN'T house trained and James and I have been in the long, arduous process of house training. There is something to the saying you can't teach an old dog new tricks. Flip. Anyway, Roy (the dog who is my little furry, smelly and licky thorn in my side) barks to let me know he is done being outside. Then crawls into bed with me and James. He doesn't decide to sit at the bottom of our feet like ever other dog in America... he has to sit at the top of the bed right above my head. There he passes out for the rest of the morning only to wake startled when I would toss or turn...like I was inconviencing him. I'm so sorry...
Roy is obsessed with me. He follows me around everywhere! He wakes me up in the middle of the night because he wants to be next to me. Seriously, I'm not cut out for parenthood...and I think this little stinker of a dog would somehow hurt our child secretly because of jealously. Already, I am in the middle of a bitter love triangle between Scoti and Roy. Dare I show them affection at the same time. A barking brawl breaks out. It's not pretty.
I'm moving out to the backyard. Pewter, the cat, she doesn't drive me nuts. Her and I could live peacefully out in the backyard.
Last night at 2:15am, I awake to the rattling of a cage. The dogs stay in a big kennel in our room for the night time. Scoti is a perfect angel and is just as content as can be in his kennel. Roy is mostly content but often DEMANDS to be taken out of the kennel at such fun times at 2:15am in the morning during a work week. I first ignore him then tell him to be quiet. Then I rattle the cage back at him which only works for about a minute which is comparably longer than the every second that ensued before that. Only to eventually take him out of the kennel and properly escort him outside to do his business. Oh, I didn't tell you the dogs WEREN'T house trained and James and I have been in the long, arduous process of house training. There is something to the saying you can't teach an old dog new tricks. Flip. Anyway, Roy (the dog who is my little furry, smelly and licky thorn in my side) barks to let me know he is done being outside. Then crawls into bed with me and James. He doesn't decide to sit at the bottom of our feet like ever other dog in America... he has to sit at the top of the bed right above my head. There he passes out for the rest of the morning only to wake startled when I would toss or turn...like I was inconviencing him. I'm so sorry...
Roy is obsessed with me. He follows me around everywhere! He wakes me up in the middle of the night because he wants to be next to me. Seriously, I'm not cut out for parenthood...and I think this little stinker of a dog would somehow hurt our child secretly because of jealously. Already, I am in the middle of a bitter love triangle between Scoti and Roy. Dare I show them affection at the same time. A barking brawl breaks out. It's not pretty.
I'm moving out to the backyard. Pewter, the cat, she doesn't drive me nuts. Her and I could live peacefully out in the backyard.
Wednesday, September 24, 2008
ancestry.com
Last night I got hooked on a genealogy sight called ancestry.com. I have longed wanted to do this and the mood struck me last...all that way until 3am in the morning. I still have some work to do on it and I wish I could find more current information on family that has been estranged but I did find a great photo of who I am sure is my father's biological father. He died when my father was 15 years old and by that time my grandmother had already married my grandpa. I also found the New York Passenger List of when my poppa and my nana and the kids (including my mom) came from England. Very cool.
the bubble bath
I'm here to report that the distraction I bought at the store yesterday in the form of yummy bubble bath was just that...quite yummy. There is a nothing like an aromatic, bubble-filled and relaxing bath. Well worth it.
I got a job!
I was officially offered a position as therapist at Pacific Clinics this morning. I had the interview on Friday and they told me in so many words that I got it but they couldn't tell me that I got it. References, blah, blah, blah. So, now I can officially say "I got a job!"
It is a therapist position working with at risk youth. They are in a charter school and it's kind of the last ditch effort to get them on track and graduated. That's the jest of it. It's a self-starter type of position where I'll be making appointments with kids and their families at home or in school. I get a laptop and a cell phone and I go in for supervision and a bi-weekly staff meeting.
So, I'm excited...to make money, to get lots of hours done and to meet a challenge I have not met yet. It'll be a tough and intense job with lots of paperwork and ambition but it's obviously the results that'll be the most rewarding! The cool thing (although we need the money) is that I still have several weeks until I'll probably start. Most likely my first day will be my 32nd birthday, October 20th.
It is a therapist position working with at risk youth. They are in a charter school and it's kind of the last ditch effort to get them on track and graduated. That's the jest of it. It's a self-starter type of position where I'll be making appointments with kids and their families at home or in school. I get a laptop and a cell phone and I go in for supervision and a bi-weekly staff meeting.
So, I'm excited...to make money, to get lots of hours done and to meet a challenge I have not met yet. It'll be a tough and intense job with lots of paperwork and ambition but it's obviously the results that'll be the most rewarding! The cool thing (although we need the money) is that I still have several weeks until I'll probably start. Most likely my first day will be my 32nd birthday, October 20th.
Tuesday, September 23, 2008
The need to focus
Today on my way back from my therapy appointment in downtown Pasadena, I stopped by Sephora to get some makeup. I realized once I left the store that I have a succinct approach to going into stores like these. "Stores like these" meaning stores I love and want to spend lots of time in but if I do then I'll spend lots of money that I should not spend. That's "stores like these". I realize this because I zoom into the store trying not to look at anything. I just get what I need and then I get in line. Tonight it almost worked but then I saw the bottle of my favorite body wash/bubble bath/shampoo. The ones that have all the food scents. Black licore made it home with the make-up I really needed. But tonight I will enjoy a yummy bubble bath which in the long run, I really do need.
Friday, September 5, 2008
dread realized
All I could think of as I was waiting 1 1/2 hours for the transportation company to come pick us up from the doctor's office was a cold, stiff drink. The strong one this afternoon was certainly the MIL. I was near meltdown and I'll tell you why...
At 12:45pm, I started my preparations to take my MIL to the hospital for her follow-up appointment with her doctor. Got an extra diaper, wipes, pajama and vomit receptacle. I had my list of questions and her Kaiser card and ID. I was set to go. I successfully got her into her wheel chair using the Hoyer lift and almost comfortable. The butterflies in my stomach subsided at this point. The transportation company came on time and we were off. We got to the hospital, got checked in and into the doctor's office in decent doctor's off time. The appointment went well and I got all my questions answered, etc. Jane really didn't even have to be there. He all of listened to her lungs. Seriously that was it. Oh, the nurse took her blood pressure. Anyway, we did it and it was over. Then I called the transportation company to say, "Pick us up!" We'll be there in 30 minutes, they said. After 40 minutes, I called again. They are on the 10 freeway and it'll be another 10 minutes. So, when I called 25 minutes after that and then waited another 30 when they told me there were only a mile away...let's just say that I was a bit frustrated. Jane was good but I was near meltdown. Apparently, MTrans doesn't know that I don't have any nerves left! Finally after my MIL had been in the wheelchair about 3 hours and 45 minutes (her range is about 15 minutes to 1 hour!), they arrived. I was relieved to know we were about 10 minutes from being hope but then my MIL got a bit clamy and sure enough vomit-city was going to come upon us again. Thankfully, it subsided and we got home. James was home at the time so that helped to have him take over at that point.
We got her in bed and she was out (like asleep). I'm sure that I'll follow soon after I've had some grub and that stiff one I talked about.
The good news...for my nerves especially...is that we've hired a live-in caregiver. She's competent, affordable, great references and will be a huge help to James and I in having some time for ourselves. She'll provide Jane with great care. I hope it works out in the long term. We are interviewing someone tomorrow for interim weekend work. It looks like things are coming together. The new cynical side of me hesitates but the usual optimistic side wants to come out and say that this will all work out.
At 12:45pm, I started my preparations to take my MIL to the hospital for her follow-up appointment with her doctor. Got an extra diaper, wipes, pajama and vomit receptacle. I had my list of questions and her Kaiser card and ID. I was set to go. I successfully got her into her wheel chair using the Hoyer lift and almost comfortable. The butterflies in my stomach subsided at this point. The transportation company came on time and we were off. We got to the hospital, got checked in and into the doctor's office in decent doctor's off time. The appointment went well and I got all my questions answered, etc. Jane really didn't even have to be there. He all of listened to her lungs. Seriously that was it. Oh, the nurse took her blood pressure. Anyway, we did it and it was over. Then I called the transportation company to say, "Pick us up!" We'll be there in 30 minutes, they said. After 40 minutes, I called again. They are on the 10 freeway and it'll be another 10 minutes. So, when I called 25 minutes after that and then waited another 30 when they told me there were only a mile away...let's just say that I was a bit frustrated. Jane was good but I was near meltdown. Apparently, MTrans doesn't know that I don't have any nerves left! Finally after my MIL had been in the wheelchair about 3 hours and 45 minutes (her range is about 15 minutes to 1 hour!), they arrived. I was relieved to know we were about 10 minutes from being hope but then my MIL got a bit clamy and sure enough vomit-city was going to come upon us again. Thankfully, it subsided and we got home. James was home at the time so that helped to have him take over at that point.
We got her in bed and she was out (like asleep). I'm sure that I'll follow soon after I've had some grub and that stiff one I talked about.
The good news...for my nerves especially...is that we've hired a live-in caregiver. She's competent, affordable, great references and will be a huge help to James and I in having some time for ourselves. She'll provide Jane with great care. I hope it works out in the long term. We are interviewing someone tomorrow for interim weekend work. It looks like things are coming together. The new cynical side of me hesitates but the usual optimistic side wants to come out and say that this will all work out.
dread
In about an hour from now, I'm taking my MIL to her primary care doctor for a follow-up appointment post skilled nursing facility. It was supposed to be last Friday when my husband was still on leave but as luck would have it the doctor "wasn't in clinic" that day and had to reschedule. Obviously, "wasn't in clinic" meant the doctor was taking a four day weekend at the last minute. I can't blame him and yet it leaves me with extreme anxiety as I take on the task today.
If it were just throwing her in the car and going, it obviously wouldn't be such a deal but taking my MIL to the doctor means a $62 round trip from a non-medical wheelchair transportation company, using the Hoyer lift by myself (a saga in itself) and trying to make her comfortable for an extended stay in the wheelchair. The sigh of relief I will have when we roll back into this house is just going to be sure bliss.
Wish me luck...
If it were just throwing her in the car and going, it obviously wouldn't be such a deal but taking my MIL to the doctor means a $62 round trip from a non-medical wheelchair transportation company, using the Hoyer lift by myself (a saga in itself) and trying to make her comfortable for an extended stay in the wheelchair. The sigh of relief I will have when we roll back into this house is just going to be sure bliss.
Wish me luck...
Thursday, September 4, 2008
Do you know this tune?
"F to the R to the E to the E to the C to the R to EDIT RE to port to the dot to the com. Come on everybody grab your bike and sing along."
Yep, that is James favorite jingle as of late. Do you know the commercial? He seriously gets excited and sings along when the commercial comes on. He'll also busts out spontaneously the jingle.
He also has a special little dance for the theme song for The Office. It's real special too.
Yep, that is James favorite jingle as of late. Do you know the commercial? He seriously gets excited and sings along when the commercial comes on. He'll also busts out spontaneously the jingle.
He also has a special little dance for the theme song for The Office. It's real special too.
My nerves, my nerves, my nerves
As I am relaxing after a long day of care taking and a couple of interviews for caretakers, James calls me from his mom's room in a panic. As I round the corner I hear him saying, "Are you going to throw up, Mom?" I tell James to put his mom up but at that point she is already starting to vomit and as history repeats itself James is starting to look a bit faint as well. James sits down and his eyes start going and I pull the MIL up to a seated position. There is this thing that we've heard a million times since the MIL had a stroke... aspiration. Aspiration is when one throws up inside themselves. It can lead to pneumonia and pneumonia and its complications can lead to no good things like death. When you can't control one side of your body, it is hard to prompt yourself up so that you project out. Now you know why I am pulling my MIL up in a forceful fashion to a seated position. As I am cleaning up the MIL, James is getting up only to really not feel good and I'm seeing his eye balls start to roll again. Fortunately, he can lay down, put his feet up and recover from nearly passing out again.
I return to the coach exhausted emotionally, physically and mentally and my nerves shot again.
I'm so glad tomorrow that I have to get my MIL in a wheelchair and take her to the doctor's office all on my own. I'm already visually the relief I will feel when the transportation company drop us off and she is back in bed. The bright side is I only have my MIL to deal with if she gets rattled as opposed to the MIL and my weak stomach husband to manage.
Hole? Where is the hole I want to crawl in? My nerves need a break.
On the bright side, we interview someone tonight who is experienced, affordable, pleasant, a self-starter and wants to start immediately. She can start and we won't have much to train her on other than where she can find stuff. If he references check out, we'll be good to go and my nerves might have a chance to recover after all. We can only hope.
I return to the coach exhausted emotionally, physically and mentally and my nerves shot again.
I'm so glad tomorrow that I have to get my MIL in a wheelchair and take her to the doctor's office all on my own. I'm already visually the relief I will feel when the transportation company drop us off and she is back in bed. The bright side is I only have my MIL to deal with if she gets rattled as opposed to the MIL and my weak stomach husband to manage.
Hole? Where is the hole I want to crawl in? My nerves need a break.
On the bright side, we interview someone tonight who is experienced, affordable, pleasant, a self-starter and wants to start immediately. She can start and we won't have much to train her on other than where she can find stuff. If he references check out, we'll be good to go and my nerves might have a chance to recover after all. We can only hope.
Learning a different language...
Today I figured out something else about my MIL in our constant effort to try to communicate with someone who can't talk and has thus far not been able to use communication devices, a pad of paper and a pen or the simple gesture of pointing. She's been doing this thing lately that we haven't been able to figure out. With her "good" leg she'll bend it and then try to lift herself up. My husband and I couldn't figure it out. Did her leg hurt? Her bottom? Was she moving because she was in some kind of pain? Did she have gas and the movement showed some type of working it out? I figured it out today. It means she'd like to lay back almost flat in her bed. She is trying to demonstrate the desire to go back. Ahh!! That felt good to figure out another piece of the puzzle of her needs and wants.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)